Should you, or shouldn't you?

So, here we have the contents of MY Mother Clucker. (Busy Chicks, brown with green, in case you were wondering.) As usual, you can see what has been going on in my life during the recent past. Been doing lots of "networking" hence the women's luncheon program and the scads of business cards, mine and others. Went to "Kegs 'n Eggs" at the 9:30 Club the Friday before St. Pats which meant buzz by 10am, hangover by 6pm. Everyone should go once, or maybe twice. Cab receipt from little trip to Florida with hubby. Pictures drawn by youngest son in church yesterday when he tired of Flat Stanley. Yes, I know that church is only an hour but this kid's long suit is NOT attention span.

The dry cleaner receipt from October '08 is not so recent and although it may seem innocent enough it is actually a window deep into my soul. You see, I have a THING about the dry cleaners. I resist taking things there and once they are there, I avoid picking them up. I know that it is kooky but it is a deeply rooted SHOULD that has worse consequences than never having a crisp, clean white blouse when you need it.

I think that it is the frugal girl in me who says that I really should be washing and ironing instead of SPENDING MONEY to dry clean. Now, I am not saying that this makes sense, I am just telling you how my brain twists it around. 'Course the thing that makes all of this into a crazy circular pattern is that I DON'T want to wash and iron the clothes and so I don't but I don't take the clothes to the dry cleaners either until I can't stand it anymore and then I do anyway.

I know, what you are thinking, believe me, I know.

Okay, now just so we're clear, this dry cleaning thing is not keeping me up at night, it's just an exaggerated example of how the little SHOULDS in our lives can be annoying and time wasting. So what about the bigger ones? What are they doing to us? And how do they match up with what we truly WANT?

I've got some monster SHOULDS about being a mother. Like many mothers, I have this picture in my head of how this whole motherhood thing is supposed to go. It magically appeared roughly 15 years ago and I've been fighting with it ever since. See if you recognize any of these: Should my baby sleep in my room, should I breastfeed, should I use cloth diapers, should I give a pacifier, should I let my baby cry herself to sleep, should I go back to work, should I stay home? And these only cover about the first six weeks.

Who knows where the picture comes from, our own mothers, the other mothers around us, the media, etc but chances are that it is NOT a representation of who we really are and want to be. Do you WANT your baby to sleep with you? Do you WANT to breastfeed? Do you WANT to stay home or do you WANT to work? Obviously, each of these decisions cannot be made completely in the vacuum of "it's all about me" however your wants need to be given their due consideration.

Remember, what you want comes from who you are and so your wants are valid. They are not right or wrong, they just are. Shoulds come from outside you and cause guilt and feelings of inadequacy. Wants come from within bringing strength and confidence.

So, try to catch yourself in a SHOULD and ask yourself how you can turn it into a WANT. Do you think you SHOULD make dinner or do you want to because it is important to you that your family connects and eats healthily? Are you keeping your house looking like a model home because it's what you should do when you really WANT to leave a few toys on the floor and read the rest of the Twilight series?

Think about it, and, by the way, I've finished all three of the books and I have dirty dishes in my sink right now. And, guess what? I'm going to the dry cleaners later.